


Kittens Paws and Cockades

by dragonyfox



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, Modern AU, also technically gang au, basically jehan isnt part of the amis hes part of patron minette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 10:43:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6325900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonyfox/pseuds/dragonyfox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Fuckin’ Thenardier,” Babet snorted. “Not that we were against all the shit he did, but he was the one who planned most of the shittier things we’ve done. Prouvaire is in charge now, so we’ve cleaned up our act mostly.”</p><p>“Prouvaire is not in charge, I am!” Montparnasse growled.</p><p>Jehan patted his hand. “That’s cute that you think that, dear.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kittens Paws and Cockades

When it was discovered that Patron-Minette backed The Amis, local politicians were rightfully terrified.

The Patron-Minette gang was well-known and wanted all across the continent, but it was impossible to catch them. The Amis were mostly peaceful, but had held their own in each rally that had turned violent, and none of the core members had ever been arrested. Patron-Minette and The Amis also used to be vehemently opposed, but had called an unspoken truce after Grantaire and Bahorel had befriended one of Patron-Minette accidentally.

The official and far more terrifying truce came about after one of the Patron-Minette attended an Amis meeting.

.

“Guys, this is Jehan,” Bahorel said loudly. “Don’t be dicks or I’ll deck you and his boyfriend will knife you on your way home from work one day!”

“Hi,” Jehan said, standing a little bit behind Bahorel, as if shy.

Enjolras shook his hand. “I’m Enjolras. Should we be worried about your boyfriend?”

“No, Montparnasse is a sweetheart,” Jehan assured him. “He’ll only stab someone for me if I ask him to, and I wouldn’t need to ask him to.”

That got a few raised eyebrows, but then Madame Hucheloup came around with drinks, distracting all of them.

“Jehan!” Grantaire shouted from the doorway of the Musain. “I can’t believe this! You came with Bahorel and not with me? I’m wounded, my friend, you’ve struck me with an arrow I shan’t recover from!”

“Ooh, that’s a good line!” Jehan chirped, and pulled a small notebook from his pocket. “Your fits of dramatics are always great fodder for my poems, Grantaire.”

Grantaire took the seat next to Jehan. “So, how’s the rest of Patron-Minette? It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen them.”

That comment drew the attention of most of the nearby Amis.

Jehan either didn’t notice or didn’t care, and replied, “Sous is lying low after that particularly stupid job in Berlin, and Parnasse and I have been planning a Thing. Who knows where Mer and Babet are. They’ll show up when they’re good and ready to. They’re like cats- ooh, that’s an idea…”

He was prevented from continuing when Enjolras stood on his chair and started the meeting.

Most of the Amis kept half of their attention on Jehan. That he was part of the notorious Patron-Minette gang was a surprise: he was covered in clashing floral prints, his hair was dyed a pale blue, and he was tiny and frail-looking. He also spent most of the meeting listening intently to Enjolras and the rest of them discuss the slut walk Eponine and Cosette and Musichetta wanted to organize in a few weeks.

“Come drink with us,” Grantaire said once the meeting was over, “c’mon, Prouvaire, even our duly elected leader drinks with us after meetings! Get to know the rest of my crazy friends, and maybe get some ideas in that head of yours that isn’t murder and theft.”

“Please,” Jehan replied simply, with a withering expression. “I also think about poetry.”

Grantaire grinned. “Okay, that’s fair. Drink with us?”

Jehan hedged for a moment, but eventually said, “oh, alright.”

Feuilly leaned over towards Bahorel. “He’s really Patron-Minette? He’s so tiny. He looks like a stiff breeze would knock him over.”

Bahorel laughed. “Don’t let that fool you. That kid could probably take both me and R down in about a minute if he really put his mind to it. The world’s lucky he’s a kind soul or we’d all be fucked.”

The rest of the Amis were of a similar mind, and that opinion only solidified with everything he said. He was quiet but cheerful, and liked poetry, and had a garden on the roof of his building, and he wore flower crowns every opportunity he had, and he gushed about how cute his boyfriend was (Enjolras was going to forever treasure the knowledge that Montparnasse drooled in his sleep).  

By the end of the night, when everyone was cheery, and most of them were halfway to drunk, Jehan announced, “I’m calling a permanent truce between the Amis and Patron-Minette! I love you guys!”

The Amis’ reply consisted of a cheer, though not a single one of them believed that he was actually calling a permanent truce between Patron-Minette and the Amis.

.

A week after Jehan’s first meeting, he showed up with five others trailing behind him.

“Hello again, Jehan,” Enjolras said, eying Montparnasse warily.

Enjolras had met Montparnasse before, and it had resulted in a loud and long argument and Enjolras had to be held back by both Bahorel and Grantaire from attempting to maul Montparnasse. He was trying to be polite, but it was difficult.

“Hi, Enjolras, this is Montparnasse, Claquesous, Gueulemer, Brujon, and Babet!” Jehan said, cheerful. “They’ve agreed to talk the terms of the truce after your meeting, so I made them come with me! I’ll probably be the primary liaison, so expect to see lots of me!”

“I see,” Enjolras said. “Well, I’m sure Bahorel and Grantaire will be happy to catch you up on tonight’s subject- police brutality- and after this meeting, the Amis will be happy to discuss the terms of our truce.”  

Babet snorted. “Please, as if we’re going to need catching up on the subject of police brutality. All of us have been arrested at least a few times, and you should have seen poor ‘Ponine after a couple of douche-y cops thought she had E when it was just painkillers from Azelma’s wisdom teeth removal.”

Enjolras frowned. “Eponine? But she’s one of us.”

“No she isn’t.”

“Yes, she is. She’s right over there with Cosette and Marius.”

Montparnasse craned his neck to look. “Well I’ll be damned. What a sneaky little double agent. I’m impressed. And if ‘Ponine’s a double agent, that means…”

“…Gavroche is as well.” Enjolras sighed. “Don’t tell me Grantaire and Bahorel are yours, too.”

“Nah, they’ve worked with us a few times, but they’re not part of the gang itself.” Parnasse waved him away. “I’ll go sit with our traitor while you do your silly lecture thing. We’ll do our best to be quiet, or not distracting at the least.”

The meeting went smoothly, though it was tense. Grantaire managed to ease some of that with his usual friendly heckling which made Enjolras argue with him for a moment before he managed to get himself back on topic. But, as promised, the five members of Patron-Minette were quiet and didn’t distract anyone terribly much.

When the non-core members of the Amis had filed out, the Core and Patron-Minette relocated to the biggest table in the Musain.

“Okay, so, Official Truce,” Jehan said from his perch on Montparnasse’s lap. “Basically, we’re not willing to tone down our activities, but we are willing to redirect some of them to benefit you guys. Most of what we do is actually pretty low profile, so it shouldn’t interfere with your message, and we can pass the high-profile stuff past you just in case.”

Enjolras hummed. “If you’re going to publicly align your group with ours, our main concern is that some of the things that have been attributed to your gang have promoted messages completely opposite to ours.”

“This is true,” Montparnasse replied. “But all of those are from months ago, yes?”

Combeferre nodded. “Yes, we’ve noticed a change in the reports of your work. That’s why we were willing to sit down with you at all.”

“Fuckin’ Thenardier,” Babet snorted. “Not that we were against all the shit he did, but he was the one who planned most of the shittier things we’ve done. Prouvaire is in charge now, so we’ve cleaned up our act mostly.”

“Prouvaire is not in charge, I am!” Montparnasse growled.

Jehan patted his hand. “That’s cute that you think that, dear.”

Montparnasse huffed and continued, “We’re fully willing to coordinate our movements with yours. I can’t guarantee all of our minions or even all of us individually will behave, but us as a group will be behind the Amis fully. We can announce this at your next rally- it’ll have to be subtle, because you don’t want the cops to arrest you, but I figure I’ve got an idea.”

Enjolras let a smile spread across his face. “Alright. I’m listening.”

.

At the Slut Walk that Musichetta, Cosette, and Eponine had organized, they were joined on the stage by most of the Amis, and Jehan and Montparnasse, all of them wearing various amounts of clothing.

Montparnasse was almost unrecognizable, with his hair falling free around his face and his clothes changed from his nearly-stuffy and extremely expensive usual suit to a pair of booty shorts and a T-shirt covered in kittens.

Towards the end, Musichetta gave the mic to Montparnasse. He hadn’t spoken for the entire event until this, because his voice was recognizable, and most of the audience was eager to hear what the tall, lanky and beautiful man had to say.

“Any of you that recognize me will know what my presence here means,” he said. “Slut shaming is stupid, and I’ll fight a motherfucker if I catch you at it. Wear what you like, and if someone touches you when you don’t want them to, look for a kitten paw or a cockade, and the bastard will get what’s coming to him.”

Musichetta laughed nervously and took the mic back, to finish out the event.

“I think that was appropriately subtle, right?” Parnasse asked Enjolras with a grin.

Enjolras laughed. “I think it got the point across. The Amis are glad to be working with Patron-Minette, and I, personally, am glad to be working with you and Jehan. Thank you.”

Parnasse shook his head. “Glad to be on the same side for once. Let’s fuck shit up, yeah?”


End file.
